through the thoughts of the unspoken..

have you ever been in a position where you put ur all into someone and only to recieve nothing in return, and on top of that getting hurt from all the good that you did for that person? for 4 years i have been a victim of this situation… I won’t name names but i’m pretty sure alla y’all know who i’m talkin about..

so this nigga really tried to play me, but what he doesnt know is that i know this nigga inside and out, front to back, everything, i know, i know this nigga more than he knows himself sometimes, and he really brought some chick to MY COUSIN’s birthday event which was 21+, oh wow this nigga got a lotta nerve, and on top of that, he knew all my GOOD FRIENDS were gonna be there, and he didnt hide it, i swear this nigga thot they wasn’t finna tell, nigga you got me fuckd up.. i recieved a text that same night you got caught up, but it jus made everything make sense with the way you were acting that same week, believe me i know when somethings bound to go wrong, but really, u made me feel hella dumb, doing that shit in front of my friends, how fuckin disrespectful is that, i can’t believe you would do it… but you did, and theres nothing to do turn back time, so with everything that jus recently happened, i’ve now come to this…

for 4 years i’ve taken you back in with no hesitation what’s so ever, i kept faith in you and supported everything you do, but i never got any good back in return from you, yes you took care of me, FINANCIALLY, but not physically nor emotionally, you didn’t take care of me or my heart. I’m so damn fed up now, i’m tired of this shit, and i’m tired of getting hurt by you. I’ve stopped giving you chances cuz you don’t deserve them and you don’t deserve someone like me. Everything i’ve done for you was because I cared for you and I loved you, but again, it doesn’t matter to you.. so it shouldn’t matter to me anymore. I deserve better, i deserve someone who appreciates me and who cares for me, and I do believe that YOU NEVER CARED ABOUT ME, because if you did, you wouldn’t of even considered bringin ya new bitch in front of MY family MY friends, you seriously had to be out of ur mind for that one. Making me look like a fool for still kickin it w/ you, making me feel stupid, and you should already fuckin know I don’t like feelin stupid, especially from you.. So thanks for making me look like a stupid ass in front of my family n friends. But you know what, i’m actually kinda serious, THANK YOU for doing what you did because you just opened a door and basically asked me to leave and this time I really mean FOR GOOD.. you have opened that door for me and basically told me to walk out of your life, and you know what I’m more than happy to do so because now I’m concerned for myself and for my own good. I need to protect myself from people like you and especially from people who are gonna act like they care when really they don’t. It’s obvious you didn’t care about me, and for you to say we were "just friends" let me refresh something for you, FRIENDS dont betray each other, friends don’t lie, friends dont do shit behind each others back, oh might i add, friends dont kiss, dont hug, dont sleep over each others houses and hold each other in the middle of the night… so look at the big ass picture i painted for you, WE NEVER HAD A FRIENDSHIP, ever.. because we were always more than friends.. and that has led me to say this, I want nothing to do with you any more what’s so ever, i’m tired and and I can finally say I’M DONE, I’M DONE WITH YOU and EVERYTHING we’ve been through… I’M THROWIN IT ALL AWAY NOW, whether you like it or not, I’m not doing this for you this time, I’m doing this FOR ME, and only me, because I know as a person I deserve better and you took advantage of me and you took me for granted, and I don’t need that type of bullshit in my life, I’m a good person who would do anything and everything for the people I love and you didn’t appreciate that one bit, nor did you appreciate me. So I’m saying goodbye now, and it’s for good and for the better. I’ve gone through too much pain with you now that I have made up my mind to let you go once n for all, and I don’t ever wanna see you again, talk to you again.. AT ALL, because i really wanna get over you and get over all the memories and anything and everything that relates to you because everything that is you, JUST HURTS ME, and I don’t wanna hurt offa you anymore, because I’m sick and tired of it, sick and tired of being the one who’s hurt, sick and tired of the one who suffers, sick and tired of being alone, because you choose to leave me..

As Chris Brown says, "there’s never a right time to say goodbye.." there really isn’t and for real this time, I’m saying goodbye to you and everything we’ve been through, I’m puttin all the stuff u gave me away so I don’t have to see it anymore, I’ve deleted you off my phone, buddy list, all our pictures, so I can DELETE YOU OUT OF MY LIFE… As a human being, I deserve better, and I know for damn sure YOU DON’T DESERVE ME…

You’ll miss me one day, it won’t be now, but one day, you’re gonna say to yourself, "I had something good and I let it go"…I know it ain’t gonna be anytime soon, but you’ll miss me though, i already know… but lemme just say this one last time…

THANK YOU FOR TEACHING ME TO LOVE SOMEONE OTHER THAN MYSELF, IT WAS A GREAT EXPERIENCE AND I AM VERY THANKFUL WE WERE BOTH ABLE TO LOVE EACH OTHER THE WAY WE DID… BUT ALSO LET ME ADD.. THANK YOU FOR BREAKING MY HEART AND HURTING ME ALL THOSE TIMES YOU DID, BECAUSE NOW IT HAS MADE ME REALIZE THAT I DON’T NEED SOMEONE LIKE YOU IN MY LIFE, WHO IS ALWAYS GONNA HURT ME AND DOESN’T APPRECIATE ME… BUT THANK YOU… BECAUSE IT MADE ME LEARN RIGHT FROM WRONG… SO THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING…

i don’t hate you, thas the last thing i think i’d ever feel towards you, but i know damn well i HATE TO LOVE YOU… and this is why i’m doing this, FOR REAL THIS TIME, because I’m fed up with the bull shit and fed up with the pain and hurt you cause in my life… I can confidently say that I’m ready to give u up and let you go, I’m ready to have you out of my life once and for all this time, and this time I really mean Goodbye…

Hi Uncle! I really miss you, and I just wanted to apologize for not being able to share my thoughts with you in the past 3 days that I’ve seen you, but I’m going to share them with you now cuz I know you’re gonna read this…

First and foremost I’d really would just like to thank you for everything.. I can still think of all those times that you had to take me home whether it was from the old house @ Bowmont, or if it was giving me a ride home from Charlyn’s house on Narrowgauge.. I remember when Erica had to braid my hair, and we didn’t finish til like 1 or 2 in the morning, and Brad had to wake you up to take me home, I still remember the song that was playing, it was Paul Davis - I Go Crazy, you told me that you liked that song and u were singing to it too! You weren’t even mad to take me home that late.. And thank you for that, because I know I would have gotten in a lot of trouble if I didn’t get home… =)

Remember Uncle when we first found out we were related? It was the first time I tried Pho, it was Pho Bac (LOL) on Stockton Blvd, Bradley told you I was related to Pascua’s and I told you Primo Pascua was my Uncle, only to find out he was your Uncle too!! I’ll always remember that Friday, out of all the Friday’s that I was always over, that was the Friday I never forgot, until this day, March 14, 2003…

Uncle, there’s so much more to remember, even though some of those memories are way back, they still seem as if they all happened just yesterday… Like how everytime I’d come over you’d be cooking and you’d tell me to come and eat, or we would even just go out to eat because you were craving something.. Or when I would be over at the house watching TV with Brad and Erica and you’d come home from work and tell us to come swimming and all of a sudden you hear a splash and you’re already in the pool! I remember when me and Charlyn gave up rice for lent and then we went to Sushi for Bradley’s 19th birthday, and you said it was okay because it had already been a month since we gave up eating rice.. Oh Cuuzzz… there’s sooo many memories of you, and i’m never going to forget every single one of them uncle, those memories i’m going to cherish them forever, I’m so glad that I was able to take the time to sit and get to know you uncle, conversate with you and talk to you… I’m so thankful that I was able to find a local uncle here, so crazy that we ended up being related huh!

Uncle, it was nice to see you before I left to the Philippines, hearing from the loft "HEY CUZ" like you always would greet me everytime you saw me, There are soooo many more memories Uncle and I will always remember them… I’m so glad to have had you in my life Uncle, you were like my other Daddy, you were always making sure we went to school and not getting into trouble, but you were soooo cool about things and even when you were still lookin out for us, you still encouraged us to have fun with everything me & Bradley were doing… It’s still hard to believe that you’re gone, not a day goes by where I don’t think about you Uncle, I seriously miss you, NO JOKE CUZ! Whenever I go to the house I still feel like your there, or just waiting for you to come out of the garage saying "hey cuz" and me going outside to help you and auntie with the groceries, or even going with you guys to costco… I can’t believe how sudden it came Uncle, but I know you’re in a better place now, not in pain, finally in peace, and I know you’re looking down on us and of course still looking out for us.. Uncle I’ll make sure to look out for Bradley & Erica, and I’ll make sure to be at the house to visit Auntie and keep her company also… I know you know how much they truly miss you, and I know you miss being with them too…I miss you dearly Uncle, and I’ll never forget you.. Just thank you for everything, thank you for just being you! Such a wonderful Uncle/Manong or as you would say "CUZ." It was a true blessing to have you in my life, for the 6 years that me and Bradley have been friends, I am very grateful for every chance I got to spend with you Uncle, you will never be forgotten in my thoughts, my mind and also my prayers..I LOVE YOU and MISS YOU UNCLE LEO… "CUZ" always and forever…

Leo Rol Pascua
July 5, 1963 - February 4, 2007
"you will be forever missed"